


Black Friday Script Doctor Nick Lang Get at Me

by wierdrocks



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Betaed, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Complete, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23337079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wierdrocks/pseuds/wierdrocks
Summary: Me and Kayleigh were talkin' about what we didn't like about beloved Starkid production Black Friday, and I said to myself, I have so much school work to do! Surely I have no time to re-write scenes from beloved Starkid production Black Friday! And then I sat down on my couch and I re-wrote some scenes from beloved Starkid production Black Friday.Basically, if you were like me and thought Hannah and Ethan needed more stage time together, and also that Nick Lang is a COWARD who won't let General John McNamara be GAY and SAD before our very eyes, you will enjoy this probably.(These scenes replace the President storyline)
Relationships: Hannah Foster & Ethan Green, Lex Foster/Ethan Green, Xander Lee/John McNamara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. Scene 1

LINDA

YES I FUCKING SEE HIM!

Fade to black, re-open on an empty stage, dark and foggy.  
ETHAN wanders through the dark clutching his side  
It’s clear he can’t see much and his footing is unsteady

ETHAN

Hello? Is—is anyone there? Where am I?

Enter MCNAMARA  
He is wearing an environ suit and carrying an automatic weapon

ETHAN

Hello!? Hannah? Lex! Anyone!

MCNAMARA _(pointing his weapon)_

Halt! Who goes there?!

ETHAN _(putting his hands up)_

Wh—who the fuck are you?

MCNAMARA

My name is General John McNamara of the United States Military. _(puts his weapon down)_ What’s your name son?

ETHAN

Ethan Green. You’re from the military? Did they call in the… _(can't think of the word)_ state… wardens?

MCNAMARA

The National Guard?

ETHAN

Is… is that what it's called?

MCNAMARA

That is what it’s called. Where were you?

ETHAN _(confused)_

The Hatchfield Mall. People were rioting; it was fucking chaos—all over this stupid doll--which is kinda fucked up actually, cause they are super easy to steal. _(realizes he just said that in front of like, A Cop)_ Anyway... I was watching my girlfriend’s kid sister until the end of her shift, and we got swarmed by these people. They wanted— _(dawning realization and dread)_ Oh my god..

MCNAMARA

It’s gonna be alright, son.

ETHAN

Alright!? How can it be alright!? I just got beat by a rapid pack of—of _monster shoppers_! I… I just got beat… to… to... And now I’m… _(looks around)_ What is this place? Where are we?

MCNAMARA

Behind the veil of the universe you perceive are entities both ageless and foul, and there eldritch forces are rising. There is a creature a work here: one with designs on humanity far worse than any nightmare we can comprehend. And he is martialing his power. If you were killed by Wiggly’s fervent followers, your soul maybe have been absorbed into the Black and White.

ETHAN

Black and White? That’s that thing Banana was always talking about. You mean—it’s real?

MCNAMARA _(alarmed)_

A talking banana? It spoke to you? Where was it?

ETHAN

N, no. my girlfriend’s kid sister, Hannah. _(more realization and dread)_ Oh no. she’s still in the mall. I left her all alone.

MCNAMARA

Don’t panic, son. We might be able to help her—but you said she knew about the Black and White?

ETHAN

Yeah, she said her imaginary friend told her about it.

MCNAMARA

This imaginary friend, it wasn’t a Wiggly doll, was it?

ETHAN

No, no, she called it um—Webby! She said she was afraid of being in the mall today, because Webby said something bad was going to happen. Guess she was right.

MCNAMARA

Webby… The Sleepless Spider?

ETHAN

The what?

MCNAMARA

Ethan, I need you to listen to me. If your young friend is truly in contact with one of the other Entities of the Black and White, she may be our best shot at stopping Wiggly’s followers from exacting their revenge. And if she’s still in the mall with them, the two of us might be the only people who can keep her safe. Now tell me, where exactly was she when you last spoke?

ETHAN

I told her to run—get to the play zone by Marshalls. There were too many of them. We couldn’t get back to Lex, I had to hold them off—I couldn’t—I couldn’t save her.

MCNAMARA

But you did save her, Ethan. You gave your life to protect a little girl that you loved. And you know what that makes you?

ETHAN

A fucking corpse?

MCNAMARA

A hero. And right now, Hannah needs a hero.

ETHAN

Hannah and Lex needed me before I failed them. And now I’ll never see them again. Never get to tell Lex I love her again. Never make it to California.

MCNAMARA

You’ll get to see them again, Ethan, I promise. You just have to come with me and we can stop Wiggly.

ETHAN

How?

MCNAMARA

I have a plan. But I need your help.

ETHAN

My help? But why? I mean, they didn’t send you in here all by yourself did they? Shouldn’t you have, like, a bunch of fuckin marines or something?

MCNAMARA _(stares into the middle distance)_

My team’s gone. Years ago, my mentor, Wilbur Cross, entered the Black and White on an exploratory mission. Weeks later, he reemerged stark raving mad, singing Wiggly’s praises. When I entered the Black and White this time, I thought I was bringing with me five of my most loyal PIEPs…

ETHAN

Y-your peeps?

MCNAMARA

Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Interdimensional Phenomena, P-E-I-P. We call it PEIP.

ETHAN _(just kinda going with it)_

Oh, okay.

MCNAMARA

But instead of returning to earth with a victorious squadron, all I did was bring Wiggly and Wilbur four more soldiers for their army of Sniggles.

ETHAN

Four? But you said your team was five, plus you.

MCNAMARA _(upset but holding it together)_

Well, we didn’t all make it out of the initial conflict.

ETHAN

Oh. I’m sorry.

MCNAMARA

No, Xander knew the risks. He was a God-fearing red-blooded American and he put everything on the line for his country. I’ve never been prouder of him. _(shakes it off)_ But no time to dwell on these things now. We’ve got an apocalypse to stop.

ETHAN

I know I’m no replacement for five specially-trained soldiers or whatever, but I hope I can at least have your back out there, man.

MCNAMARA

Ethan. I need you to listen to me. I’ve known you for all of three minutes, and I can already tell you’ve got what it takes to save the goddamn day. D’you know why?

ETHAN

Cause you don’t have any other choice?

[AND THEN MCNAMARA SINGS MONSTERS AND MEN AND IT’S REAL COOL LET’S _GO_ ]


	2. Chapter 2

[ _Deck the Halls_ and _Take Me Back_ happen; Curt Mega plays Kris Kringle instead of Robert so the boy can rest and also Curt can fulfill his destiny of playing the Cheesiest character in every Starkid/TCB production he’s in]

Enter MCNAMARA and ETHAN on the catwalk.  
This scene replaces the one of Howie, MCNAMARA, and Xander  
MCNAMARA has authorized Ethan  
to use his automatic weapon and walks ahead, pointing with his pistol.

ETHAN

So that suit lets you be in this place and not… y’know?

MCNAMARA

Indeed. It was specially designed to allow myself and my PEIPs to enter and exit the Black and White unharmed.

ETHAN

So, why don’t you get out of here and go save Hannah in real life?

MCNAMARA

The Black and White is real life, Ethan. It may not look it, but this place is realer than some people could ever imagine. And… I can’t go back the way I came. What remains of my unit is guarding the portal constructed by PEIP. If I went back there I… I,

ETHAN

You’d have to face them?

MCNAMARA _(beat)_

Quickly, let’s find young Hannah.

ETHAN

Wait. When we do find Hannah and Lex, how am I supposed to talk to them?

MCNAMARA

It’s much simpler than you might think. All you have to do is want it.  
Fade to black.

[ _I Will Be Adored_ and the culty scenes happen as normal]

Open on HANNAH hiding in the play zone

HANNAH

Webby, I’m scared.  
Enter ETHAN and MCNAMARA on the catwalk

ETHAN

Hannah? Hannah!

MCNAMARA _(whispering)_

Quickly, before any of Wiggly’s thralls find us.

ETHAN _(whispering)_

I’m don’t wanna scare her. Hang on. _(to Hannah)_ What’s shakin’ Banana?

HANNAH

Ethan?

ETHAN

Who else? Don’t be scared, Hannah. It’s safe to come out now. I’m gonna help you find Lex, okay?

HANNAH

No, Webby says you died.

ETHAN _(long pause)_

Hannah… I did. I did die. But it’s okay.

HANNAH

What? How can it be okay?

ETHAN

Because… because I’m still here! I’m where Webby is: the Black and White.  
HANNAH stares into the middle distance for a beat.  
A whirring, staticky sound is heard

ETHAN _(cont.)_

It’s gonna be okay. Cause we’re not alone, right? Webby’s here and— _gestures to MCNAMARA_ This is my new friend John. He’s gonna help us fight Wiggly.

HANNAH

No. No, Webby says you’re trying to trick me! Not Ethan. Bad double!

ETHAN

No, no, Banana, I promise. I’d never lie to you or Lex, you know that right? I love you. I just wanna keep you safe.

MCNAMARA 

Young Miss, if you’re in contact with the Sleepless Spider, then she can tell you that my team I have been trying to stop Wiggly’s rise for thirteen years. And I give you my word as a member of the Armed Forces, I will do everything in my power to stop what’s coming.  
HANNAH stares into the middle distance  
The whirring is back.  
MCNAMARA looks around for its source  
but ETHAN is only focused on Hannah.

ETHAN

They are people coming Hannah, they want the doll in your bag. You can’t give it to them, okay? We have to destroy it. Remember when I said we’d go camping when we got to California?

HANNAH

Yeah…

ETHAN

Well, right now I’m gonna teach you how to build a camp fire, alright?  
The whirring sound increases.  
Static crackles menacingly.

MCNAMARA 

Ethan. I have to go.

ETHAN

What?

MCNAMARA 

There’s something I need to take care of. You stay here and help Hannah destroy the doll. I’ll be back.  
He bids a hasty exit

ETHAN

B—wh—hey! _(to Hannah)_ That’s okay. We can do this on our own. Just you and me, okay?

HANNAH

Yeah. Okay. How’d we make a fire?

ETHAN

It’s real easy—there’s a camping store in the mall, we can get supplies there. Now, I’m gonna scout ahead and make sure it’s safe. Meanwhile, you stay hid, alright?

HANNAH _(Shaking her head)_

No, Ethan, please don’t leave me alone.

ETHAN

Hey, hey it’s alright. You’re not gonna be alone. Webby’s here, right?  
Whirring noise.

HANNAH

R-right.

ETHAN

So you and Webby stay here and I’ll only be gone for a couple seconds. Just stay hunkered down and don’t make any noise, okay?

HANNAH

Okay.

ETHAN

Be right back.  
ETHAN exits.

HANNAH _(quietly)_

Be careful.

[She takes the Wiggly out of her bag and _Lovely Girl_ plays out as normal]

Enter GARY GOLDSTEIN and SECURITY GUARD  
SECURITY GUARD  
Look! In the food court! The little girl with the backpack!  
They advance on HANNAH

SECURITY GUARD

And who is this?

GARY GOLDSTEIN

Hey protector.

SECURITY GUARD

Another heathen no doubt. Bring her as well. The Prophet will bathe in the blood of the unfaithful. Joyous day!

Fade to black as they drag Hannah and Becky

ETHAN _(voiceover)_

Okay Hannah we can—Hannah? Hannah! 


	3. Chapter 3

Reopen on MCNAMARA as he makes   
his way through the Black and White.   
The whirring sound is heard.

MCNAMARA 

Sleepless Spider? Webby? Is that you? I can sense you’re trying to tell me something but I don’t have the abilities the young girl does. Someone is in trouble…but who?

The whirring increases in volume.   
Static pops and cracks.   
A scream is heard in the distance.   
MCNAMARA looks around, pointing his pistol.

WILBUR

Johnnie. Johnnie~

The static cuts abruptly  
Enter WILBUR in the house

MCNAMARA 

Wil?

WILBUR

Hi, Johnnie.

MCNAMARA 

Wilbur, whatever you have to say I’m not here to listen to you.

WILBUR

D’you know why it had to be a doll?

MCNAMARA 

Gonna be honest with you here, Wilbur: I don’t give a shit.

WILBUR

It all boils down to believe, it’s a powerful thing. You see, people don’t believe in governments anymore. No matter who the masses vote for they always get the same thing. The poorer get poorer and the rich, well they just get richer. Swamped in student debt, credit card debt, medical bills. The people have been abounded by everything! Everything except products. That’s the only comfort they have left. And you! General John McNamara of the United States Military. The country you so love and value, you were Wiggly’s greatest ally.

MCNAMARA 

Don’t try to make me the bad guy in this, Cross. I’m not the one worshipping a slumbering tentacle monster from the space between worlds.

WILBUR _(advancing)_

Oh, but you are the one waving their flag. Jack-booting your way into other people’s business. Pushing their agenda with the hot end of your fucking gun.

MCNAMARA 

Stay back, Cross. I’m warning you.

WILBUR

Only in American could Wiggly take root. You think that in the Netherlands they’re give a shit about some toy? No, they’re too busy enjoying their paid vacations and their free healthcare. You invited Wiggly, your bosses invited him in! And now you come into his house, to make demands of him?

[ _Made in America_ plays out as normal. McNamara is constantly trying to get a bead on Wilbur to shoot him. The Sniggles that appear are clearly wearing their fur and antennae over military uniforms. McNamara calls out to them once or twice in vain]

WIGGLY 

Hello Jonnie-won! Welcome to Drowsy Town.

MCNAMARA 

You!

WIGGLY

Don’t be frightened. You’re my bestest buddy-wud!

MCNAMARA 

Fuck you, you spinach-faced creep. You may have taken my team from me, but I won’t let you hurt anyone else. D’you hear me?

WIGGLY

Oh, don’t be so mean! And so close to Christmas. It’s going to be my birthday, you know? I wouldn’t want to miss out on opening all my presents. I think I’ll start with you. I’m going to cut open your belly well.

The SNIGGLES advance on MCNAMARA

WIGGLY _(cont.)_

And deck the halls with your gutsy-wutsies!

MCNAMARA 

Enough! Your minions may do me no harm, Wiggly! For I cut through them a blade of truth! Be gone!

Blade of truth slice! The SNIGGLES retreat

WILBUR

It’s too late, John! Wiggly’s prophet has been chosen—and as soon as she has a doll, she will bring about his birth.

WILBUR & SNIGGLES

_You opened the box  
A doll came out  
And he'll touch down soon  
To erase any doubt  
That is all you need  
To fill your heart_

_Now the end is nigh, the apocalypse here  
In a package that preys on the worst of your fears_

WILBUR and the SNIGGLES retreat up the stairs.   
MCNAMARA follows

MCNAMARA 

Not so fast, Cross. The true name of the Sleepless Spider has been revealed to me, and I’ll die a thousand deaths before I let you stop me from aiding her defeat of the tentacled horror!  
WILBUR  
Thousand deaths, huh? Let’s start with just one.

WILBUR rounds on him and   
disarms him of the blade of truth.   
They tussle and Wilbur slices through MCNAMARA’s environ suit.

WILBUR _(cont.)_  
Oh, oopsie. Looks like the only thing keeping you from degrading in the Black and White just got compromised, Jonnie boy. Now you’ve got two choices: either pledge your loyalty to the One True God, or fade away into nothing.

_The gambit is done  
A work of art_

_That was made in America  
In a valley of silicon_

_We're all made in America  
In a valley of silicon_

MCNAMARA 

Exposure to the Black and White does mean I’ll dematerialize, Wilbur, but it’s a small price to pay for safety of the American people.

WILBUR

Safety of the American—what the _hell_ are you talkin’ about Jonnie? Why in the _fuck_ do you insist on protecting a place that would set you on fire to keep itself warm, huh? You call us _us_ thralls. Playing by their rules is what kept you apart from your one true love, isn’t it?

MCNAMARA 

Don’t talk about Xander, Cross. Not after what you did.

WILBUR

Me? All I did was open the boy’s eyes. Let him see the truth—he was working for a government that didn’t give a shit about him, about people like him.

Enter XANDER. He is dressed in a damaged   
uniform and wears a Sniggle headband

XANDER

He’s right, John.

MCNAMARA 

Xander… _(shakes it off)_ Wilbur! Is there any level you won’t stoop to? Xander was your friend too—and now you puppet his body like—like—

WILBUR

Like a puppet? Tell me John: is that better or worse than what you did to him while he was still alive, hm? Stringin’ the poor boy along all those years out of some misplaced sense of loyalty and decorum.

XANDER

Was it really regulations keeping us apart? Or was it cowardice? Were you just afraid to let yourself have something that wasn’t handed to you by your quartermaster?

MCNAMARA

Xander, I was your commanding officer, I couldn’t—

WILBUR sneaks up behind MCNAMARA, blade drawn.

His commanding officer! And you let him die before you could ever tell him how much you wuv him!

MCNAMARA 

That is beside the point. _(rounds on Wilbur and fires)_

WILBUR doubles over, clutching his stomach in pain.   
The Sniggles flock to him and help him off stage,   
leaving XANDER and MCNAMARA alone.

MCNAMARA _(to Xander)_

You were a good man, Xander. And I’ll make sure you didn’t die in vain. I swear it. 


	4. Scene 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally this scene was going to include going to include a sad reprise of Califor M.I.A. but it didn't work out.

[The scene with Sherman and Lex plays out as normal. _Black Friday_ happens]

Enter MCNAMARA  
Accompanied by the whirring and static

MCNAMARA

You’re not dead yet.

LEX

W-what?

MCNAMARA

Alexandra Foster, my name is General John McNamara. I know your friend Ethan. He’s getting your little sister safety, but you need to get through this. I’m going to help you.

LEX

Hannah and—they’re okay?

MCNAMARA

Listen, Lex. First, you need to subdue your assailant. _(takes out his gun)_ I’m authorizing you to use my firearm.

LEX

I can’t reach it.

MCNAMARA

Yes you can. If your sister has a power, then so do you. Reach into the Black and White. You must manifest this weapon into your reality. Think of your sister, Lex. Think of her and Ethan and know that you can be with them again. You just have to want it.

LEX

I can’t—I can’t do it!

Enter ETHAN on the catwalk

ETHAN

Hannah! Hannah! Shit, shit. I did it again. I lost her. Lex I’m sorry. My last act on earth was to fail you, and now my last act as a ghost is to it again. I’m sorry. I was gonna take care of us, get us to California and away from everyone who ever let you down… but all I did was join them. It would’ve been so beautiful, Lex. To finally see you shine the way you were meant to.

[Behold! Fresh original lyrics!]

**Y’know that’s all that I lived  
Just one chance to see you soar  
Well look how that turned out  
I thought could make it right  
Be around for one last fight  
Before I blow away in the breeze  
Cause Friday is black for me  
I promise you, you’d see the sea  
And if my Friday is black  
I can’t take anything back **

MCNAMARA

_Look me in the eye now Lex  
And make a solemn vow  
To be your best self now  
A time has arrived now Lex  
When your Friday’s black  
It’s time to lead the pack_

MCNAMARA & CHORUS

_There are monsters and there are men_

ETHAN

Cause Friday is black  
There’s no turning back

MCNAMARA

I can show you the path  
But only you can walk it  
 **All you have to do is want it**  


LEX grabs the gun from MCNAMARA  


She tumbles away from SHERMAN and shoots him

SHERMAN _(dying)_

Where did that come from?

LEX _(recovering)_

Whoa…

MCNAMARA

Nice shot, Lex, but we’re not through yet. We need to find Hannah and Ethan. The four of us are being called to serve. If we can defeat Wiggly here in Hatchfield, he can be defeated anywhere.

LEX 

How am I supposed to find them?

MCNAMARA

The same way you pulled that gun out of my hand, Lex. Once we find them, we need only to wake the sleepless warrior, kill the prophet… and then save the world. You’re a PEIP now, Lex. Get ‘er done.  
LEX and MCNAMARA exit, leaving ETHAN on the balcony. The whirring static returns.

ETHAN

Wh-what? Webby? _(whir, click)_ Hey, listen, um—I’m really sorry I thought you weren’t real. _(understanding whir)_ Is Hannah okay? Where’d she go? _(concerned static)_ What? No! How’d we stop them!? _(click, wooshing noise)_ You want me to do what? Don’t you need those? _(insisted whir)_ Okay, okay. You’re the extradimensional entity.  


ETHAN exits.


	5. Scene 5

[The scene with Lex and Tom talking about the Wiggly doll and _If I Fail You_ play out as normal]

[the scene of bringing out and taunting Hannah and Becky plays out as normal]

HANNAH

Magic hat! Nothing can hurt me!

LINDA

You little fool! _(rips off the hat)_ You think this is going to protect you?   
Enter ETHAN on the catwalk  
The whirring noise begins and slowly becomes louder and louder.

LINDA _(cont.)_

A magic hat? Don’t be ridiculous. Only dolls are magic.

ETHAN

Hannah! Don’t worry, Hannah, I’m here!

WEBBY

And so am I!

LINDA

What? What the fuck was that?

HANNAH

Webby?

LINDA

Webby!?  
White tinsel-wrapped fairy lights burst from beneath the catwalk and ensnare the cultists. There are exactly seven.

WEBBY

You will not harm this child, Linda Monroe! And the dreamless one will not harm this world!

LINDA

No! No, Wiggly will be born tonight, and I _will_ be the one who makes it happen!  
She grabs Hannah’s backpack and rips it open

LINDA _(cont.)_

What? Wh—where is he!? What have you done with him you little brat!?

WEBBY

One more step toward her! _(the tinsel shakes. The cultist cry out in pain)_ And I’ll pop your precious followers like so many grapes!

LINDA

Ha! You think I care!? You think they do!? Any one of them would gladly die in the name of the true god! 

She grabs HANNAH

ETHAN

No! Let her go! _(he disappears from the catwalk)_

HANNAH

Lemme go!

LINDA

Now, listen you—you whatever you are! False god! You tell me where that doll is right now or I gut your precious little baby like a Thanksgiving turkey!

Enter LEX with the wiggly doll

LEX

Hey! Let her go! Is this what you’re looking for?

LINDA

Give me that doll you little brat!

LEX

Let my sister go and you can have it.

HANNAH

No, Lex, don’t give it to her!

LINDA

Give me that doll, or you’ll get to know what your sister looks like on the inside!

LEX

I said let her go! _(takes out her lighter)_ Or your previous god goes up in smoke!  
The cultists jeer and hiss but are squeezed into silence by WEBBY’s legs.

LINDA

Well, it would appear we’re at a standstill.

Enter TOM, gun drawn.

TOM

Not quite. Let the girl go.

LINDA

Oh, so _you’re_ more willing to risk the girl’s life? Is that it? Not even your beloved Webby is willing to put her on the line to stop the glorious rise of Wiggly! What makes you so special?

WEBBY

Linda Monroe!

LINDA

Oh what is it!?

WEBBY

My brother has tricked you into thinking you know everything! And yet you are forgetting the simplest of things!

LINDA

And what is that?

Enter ETHAN from behind LINDA.  
He has Webby tinsel wrapped around   
him.

ETHAN

Spiders have eight legs.

He wraps the end of the tinsel around   
Linda’s neck and pulls her away from   
HANNAH.

HANNAH

Ethan!

ETHAN

Hey, banana. Sorry I’m late.

He tosses LINDA off to one side and she   
lands unconscious in a heap.  
LEX tosses the Wiggly doll and runs to hug   
HANNAH.

LEX 

Hannah! Are you okay? _(to Ethan)_ Ethan, oh my god! Wh-what’s all this?

ETHAN

Hannah’s imaginary friend. She lent me some of her power, so I could come back into this world and help save you.

LEX 

Back into this—what, what’d you mean?

ETHAN

Lex, I… I’m sorry.

HANNAH

Don’t say sorry. _(hugs Ethan)_ It’s not your fault.

SECURITY GUARD

It is your fault!

MAN IN A HURRY

Be gone apparition!

GARY GOLDSTEIN

You dare harm the prophet!

WEBBY

Will you all please! Shut the fuck! Up!

The cultists continue to squabble and   
argue. To one side, BECKY stirs. TOM   
rushes to her side.   
As they talk, LINDA stirs and quietly   
finds the discarded Wiggly doll.

TOM

You okay, Becks?

BECKY

Yeah, I’m… I’ll be alright. Thanks, Tom.

TOM

Hey, listen, I can’t say how sorry I am for—

BECKY

You don’t have to apologize for something a psychic space demon made you do.

LINDA

Oh well aren’t you two just adorable?

The cultist break free of WEBBY’s legs.  
They celebrate and flock toward LINDA.  
The lights go out on the leg wrapped   
around ETHAN.

HANNAH

Webby?

WEBBY

I’m sorry, Hannah. I can only last so long in this world, even with your help. We had one shot, and I took it.

LINDA

That’s right! And you lost!

[ _Wiggle_ happens here. The heroes gather on the catwalk as they are pushed and menaced by the freed cultists. Ethan and Lex fight some of them off on the stares]

TOM is shaking because PTSD doesn’t   
go away cause you get a pep talk from Lex.

TOM

This is it. It’s all over. She’s won.

BECKY

No she hasn’t _(takes the gun from him)_ Hey!

LINDA

Ha! Becky Barnes! You pathetic worm! You think you can stop the birth of a god!? You couldn’t even stand up to your disgusting husband! Look at you! You’re paralyzed with fear!

BECKY

No, I’m just lining up my shot!  
She fires and Linda goes down. The cultists freak the fuck out.

[the scene of them mourning her and then burning with the Wiggly doll goes as normal. Our heroes reconvene on the catwalk. The talk about the fire goes as normal]

HANNAH

What’s gonna happen to Ethan?

ETHAN

I don’t know.

LEX

You can’t just go, right? Can’t just fade away—what about California?  
Enter MCNAMARA.

MCNAMARA

Ethan.

ETHAN

John? You’re okay.

MCNAMARA

The repercussions of Wiggly’s failed ritual are reverberating all through the Black and White. My team is free from his clutches.   
Enter XANDER, no more Sniggle headband. MCNAMARA puts an arm around him.

MCNAMARA _(cont.)_

And it’s all thanks to you and your family.  
ETHAN puts his arms around HANNAH and LEX all cute and stuff.

ETHAN

Does this mean I have to go now?

LEX

I’ll never see you again?

MCNAMARA

Hold your horses there, soldier—er, Lex. Hannah, why don’t you ask Webby what’s gonna happen to Ethan and I?  
HANNAH stares into the middle distance. There is whirring static.

HANNAH

She says… she can give her powers to you guys, so you can stay in the Black and White. So you won’t fade away!

MCNAMARA _(cont.)_

Exactly. Ethan, there’s lots more work to do here. Now that we’ve stopped Wiggly once, he’ll only double down on his plot to enter this world. If you want to keep your family safe, join Xander and I in studying this place. The more we understand about Wiggly, the more prepared we’ll be to fight him next time he rears his ugly head.

XANDER

You think you got what it takes to be a PEIP, kid?

ETHAN _(salutes)_

It’d be an honor, sir.

MCNAMARA _(cont.)_

Ethan do me a favor: don’t ever fucking salute me again.   
They shake hands instead.

ETHAN _(to Lex)_

I love you. _(to Hannah)_ And I love you too, Banana. I’ll see you again soon. 

The three of them hug and kiss goodbye.   
ETHAN follows MCNAMARA and XANDER off stage.

[Emma and Paul arrive. They explain that there were riots all across the country, cults rising up to various degrees of success. Communications are down and no one know what to do. The rest of the scene plays out as normal and we still get _What If Tomorrow Comes_ as the uncertainty of their situation sinks in.]


End file.
